See Bird

A pelican would sound like seagulls to a poet.
I see a bird and I see a bird. I see a pelican and the sea
winds whip my hair and his on a sailboat
and he’s still alive and not alive and shriveled and yelling
in Arabic to the trees. He’s laughing at the salt water
spray that makes my face sting. And a poet would write
about love and it would be nuanced and full and make
a reader release the breath they’re holding.

Twenty stanzas and a twist to make a seabird a body
and the air a life and the boat also a body. And breath.
But that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is
that I have a heart of lava like a rock. Not a rock propelled
through the air whistling with burst bubbles as it cools
rapidly. I was lava and now I’m a rock. A rock
from a gurgle of heat that melted through the side of a hill
and slowly rolls forward. So slow it hardens as it slides

but never makes it to the bottom and now it’s a rock.
It was the volcano and now it is the volcano again.
I was the volcano and now I am still a volcano. It was
a bird but then it was a pelican and now it is a hand
excessively calloused on the tiller. A poet would talk
about the waves. The cobalt and silver foam, the fetid smell
on the tip of their tongue. They would say it felt like sapphire,
sharp and uncut. I would say it felt like clipping

at fifteen knots to the sound of my grandfather
explaining what to do in case of emergency and the tight chafe
of the black strap holding my life -preserver to my chest. I would say
it feels like the anger one swallows when their grandfather is out
of his head and drooling cherry candy into his flaky beard
and it’s the third time this night he’s screamed. A poet
might bring to attention the subtle similarities of a pelican
and a boat and a rock, but there are none.

Johanna Tollefson is a writer of poetry, fiction, and nonfiction, currently getting her MFA from Minn State, Mankato. She is new to the Midwest, hailing from Idaho and Oregon, but is settling into the long winters and humid summers. She loves all things sensory and is also growing a recipe resume which she loves to use on guests.